Head writer and chief senior advisor, Geordie McGrath, is upset about airplane food.
What is airplane food’s deal? Who decided this is what the food is like on an airplane? Certainly wasn’t me I can tell you that much. I get on the airplane and when breakfast time rolls around they ask me “Sir, would you like the eggs or the cold breakfast?”
What sort of weirdo wants cold eggs? I paid for this flight with my hard earned money, thank you very much. I don’t want to eat cold eggs. Nobody wants to eat cold eggs. I want to eat nice warm, hot eggs. That’s the way that everyone likes their eggs. Frankly, hot eggs should be the only option because nobody likes to eat the cold ones at all. The cold egg option should be removed from the menu entirely.
I ask for the hot eggs for my breakfast, and you know what they do? They give me the hot egg option. I’m over the moon.
My happiness was futile as almost immediately some poor chump behind me asks for the cold breakfast. Does he know what he’s getting into? Cold eggs? Who would eat that! Not me! I’m a cool rich guy. I don’t eat cold eggs, I eat them hot! Eggs are made to be eaten hot, at the very least they’re made to be eaten warm. They’re cooked hot. They should be served hot.
I don’t know who told Jetstar that cold eggs were a staple of the menu but what they seem to have forgotten is that everyone actually likes hot eggs! The only type of cold eggs that I like to eat is the Easter eggs. If they gave me an Easter egg on a plane I’d be pretty chuffed to be honest with you. I’d love a little Easter egg on a plane. Those ones with the MnM’s inside or those ones with the MnM shell on the outside. One of the MnM Easter eggs on a plane would actually be pretty great. I don’t want them hot. They would melt.
Please do not get confused Jetstar.
In conclusion, you should have two breakfast options.
Either a delicious plate of hot eggs, or a delicious plate of cold MnM Easter eggs.
These are the only acceptable options and if my demands are not met I will take my business elsewhere.
What is the deal with airplane food?
Monday July 9, 2018
OPINION - Geordie McGrath