Head writer and chief senior advisor, Geordie McGrath, is upset about social media.
What is the deal with social media? All the names are lies! Not in a fun way, but in a lying way! It actually makes me very sad and even worse, a bit scared.
What is the deal with Facebook? Why is it called that? It’s not just faces. If my profile picture is a picture of my body, does that mean it’s Bodybook? If my profile picture is a picture of my hair, does that mean it’s Hairbook? If my profile picture is a picture of my head, my neck, my body, my arms, my hands, my legs and my feet, what is it then? What do we call the website? I don’t get it! It seems pretty weird to me. Zuckerberg messed up when he named this one cause now it’s illegal to post anything except a face on Facebook. You could have built the next big thing but the rules were too strict, Mark!
Also, What is the deal with Instagram? There’s nothing instant about it! If you want me to see your photo instantly, why don’t you show me? I’m not on Instagram all the time. I’m a cool rich guy. I can’t assure you that I’ll see your picture the second it’s uploaded. So why don’t you just show it to me? Systrom and Krieger messed up when they named this one cause now it’s name is actually a lie all along! You could have built the next big thing, but the name is too fake, Kevin and Mike!
Also, What is the deal with Snapchat? It’s name is actually great. I get it! You snap and you chat. You did a good job with the name. The problem is nobody likes it at all. It’s done. It’s bad. Why? The filters of course! They’re dangerous for kids! AND I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT ANY FILTERS LIKE COFFEE FILTERS THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I mean normal style filters on photos and that sort of thing. The snapchat filters make your face look all scary and that is bad. The kids get scared and I get scared. I look at the camera and suddenly I’m a dog or whatever. I like being a guy, not a dog. That’s not what I wanted. I just wanted to chat with a snap and all of a sudden I’m a freaking dog or whatever. That’s not funny or cool, it’s actually scary and made me cry. Brown, Murphy and Spiegel messed up when they did this one cause now it’s name is actually good but the photos are too weird! You could have built the next big thing, but you made it too freaky deaky, Reggie, Bobby and Evan!
In Conclusion, social media is a poison that is actively manipulating users into feeling depressed and lonely so that they increase their screen time. It’s an unregulated drug whose effects are more far reaching than simple cannabis or tobacco. Unlike a real drug, social media has bad names and also lies to you and also makes you think you look like a dog or whatever. I urge you, Prime Minister Scott Morrison, to consider banning all of these services effective immediately and also quit your job because you’re bad too (haha gotcha).
What is the deal with social media?
Thursday October 4, 2018
OPINION - Geordie McGrath